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Pastafarianism Accused of "Gluten Intolerance"
Associated Press, Chicago


Pastafarianism. Originally intended as a satire against the inclusion of intelligent design in public school curricula, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) has morphed into a sect wherein members may unite and oppose the teaching of creationism.

While The Flying Spaghetti Monster has long been considered an ironic parody of the exclusivity and oppression associated with mainstream religious groups, this week it has been accused of a surprising charge: bigotry.

  
Walter Cronkite Jr. reported this week that the Celiac Association of the National Territories for the Elevation of Atheism and Tolerance (CANTEAT) has threatened to sue the church of Pastafarianism for making them feel unwelcome. 

Many members of CANTEAT who attempted to join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti monster felt that they were being purposely oppressed, since they cannot ingest wheat, rye or barley without severe intestinal issues.

"I was really into the idea of Pastafarianism at first," CANTEAT member Pat Douglas said in a tearful interview. "But once I realized that the Flying Spaghetti monster was made entirely out of wheat noodles, I just couldn't support it. How can you worship a deity that gives you a case of the runs every time you even look at it?" 

Douglas admitted that he felt excluded by the FSM members because they would take part in weekly spaghetti dinners, often intoning "This is my body, eat it in memory of me." 

Former FSM member and current CANTEAT chairwoman Mary Feldman admitted to feeling as though there was prejudice against her for her dietary beliefs. "I'm into making fun of religions and mocking their rituals and all that, but the use of gluten-filled noodles seemed really unnecessarily hateful." Feldman added that she felt particularly alone since "atheists don't often have get-togethers."

There is no word on whether the FSM church will pay for emotional damages among its former members, or if they will instead switch to gluten-free noodles made of rice or quinoa. Church president Bobby Henderson was unavailable for comment.