Most people devote a moderate amount of time to self-assessment, which I believe is generally a good thing, a practice that leads to better behavior. Sometimes you need to stop yourself between the third and fourth puppy beheading, take a good hard look at what you're doing, and ask yourself, "Am I getting enough fiber?"
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| They do look awfully stringy. |
What's interesting about self-assessment, though, is how noticing and acknowledging your traits can change how people see you. Really self-aware people should be able to see themselves clearly and own up to their own traits, good or bad. For the most part if you get feedback from a solid number of people that you are an average, down-to-earth person, you feel okay saying it to others. In job interviews. On dating sites. Whatever. "I'm just a regular Joe!" is an okay thing to say.
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| Okay, but maybe not "I'm a regular Joe." |
If you try that with any of these, though, they suddenly make you a braggart or a liar. It is not that you suddenly appear to be something other than you say you are due to societal conventions of modesty and tact. You actually cease to possess the quality as soon as you say it. Observe.
4. "I don't care what anyone thinks about me."
This is a personal favorite of wannabe rebels and the criminally adolescent. When you think of people who gave one single fuck once upon a time and it turned out to be counterfeit, you might think of say, this chick:
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| Or dude. With all the punk/emo/goth crossovers it might as well be Boy George. |
Her steely-eyed stare says "I will end you," and the direction she is looking says, "Perhaps I need glasses." Her hair actively embraces ugliness like it was a rich, dying great-uncle. She might as well have shaved the words "I don't care what you think" on the back of her head, just so that you know how much she is devoting absolutely no time to either your opinions or her daddy issues.
The problem with this sentence is that you have to be saying it to someone. If you're posting it on Facebook, what are you expecting? 200 "Likes" or everyone to go, "Oh thank god, what an independent human being not controlled by society's puppet strings"? Either way, you seem to care an awful lot that people know that you don't care if you're taking the trouble to make it a public announcement.
You know what I don't care about? Iceland. I have no feelings, one way or the other really, about Iceland. Do you know how often I tell people that I do not care about Iceland? I'm not going to lie to you, this is the first time. But I really, really want you to know how much I don't care, okay? I don't care at all. Like, even if Iceland offered me a job or asked me out on a date, I wouldn't care. I am so over what Iceland thinks of me.
Okay, but seriously, you know who actually doesn't care, possibly about anything? This guy:
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| "I made this shirt out of your grandmother's curtains." |
Look at him. He is just totally wearing that shirt. And he's not even ashamed. He looks like he wants to do something vaguely sensual to you, and he also seems to be under the impression that you will like it. He is never the guy saying "Whatever, I don't care what people think." He's the one saying, "Hey baby, my Geo is parked like, right out back."
Seriously.
That is not caring what people think.
3. "I'm not a racist..."
I put the ellipses on the end of that phrase because I'm pretty sure that just stating that you're not a racist can be an honest claim. Then again, I have my doubts about the validity of it as an true statement when I think about what scenario you'd have to be in in order to be announcing that you are most certainly not a racist. It sounds kind of defensive. Most of the time, people on the defense have a reason to be.
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| "Wait. Go back and define 'racist' for me." |
No, the ellipses are there because people who start a sentence with "I'm not a racist" almost inevitably follow those words with "but." Seriously. How often have you heard the phrase "I'm not a racist, now let's go get some ice cream." Or "I'm not a racist, so let's elect an Asian-American president."
This phrase might just be the biggest red flag out there for not only racists, but homophobes, misogynists and pop lit fans.
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| "I'm not an idiot, but I love Twilight." |
No, most of the time it's a springboard for launching into the hilarious stereotype about which race can't drive or park or which one is secretly trying to get children addicted to crack and/or
South Park. The problem with "I'm not racist" is that it's used as a preemptive "Nu-uh" to other people's "You're a racist prick" reaction.
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| "Of course I'm not anti-Semitic. Didn't I explicitly say that right before the joke about the Holocaust?" |
What's really funny to me is that these people clearly realize that what they're
saying is racist. They just don't want the catch-all "racist" to apply to them, so they deny the way their own words might identify them. It allows them to say whatever hurtful, stereotypical thing they want without branding or labeling themselves as something as shunned and unaccepted as "racist."
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| "You don't get to call me racist! Only we get to use that word!" |
2. "Women like me because I'm the Sensitive Guy."
The above statement is not necessarily a definitive statement of The Sensitive Guy. It's just an example of the typical bullshit that comes out of his mouth. Other entries that are accepted are, "I'm not like other guys,"
"I really like to listen to girls' problems and make them feel better," and "Hey, why don't you come into my room alone and tell me all about your feelings."
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| "Here, breathe deeply into this paper towel." |
We all know this guy. We all know women who have dated him, although we never seem to know them personally. This guy has figured out that he can't do the Tough Thing. He can't do the Hot Jerk bit. He may even feel strongly against men that use these tactics. So he decides to be the Super Ultra Sensitive Guy.
And he decides to tell everyone about it.
The problem with telling everyone how sensitive you are and how much you care about other people is that you almost always come across as caring only about yourself and your reputation. You're just sitting there talking about how great you are. It starts to sound like you're doing everyone else a favor by being so awesome. Especially when it's not specific people that you care about.
It's Women.
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| All of them? Really? |
I personally can't stand The Sensitive Guy because of this sweeping generalization. It's condescending and it generalizes women into this category of people who are all alike and who are all, apparently, acceptable targets for the Sensitive Guy's "charm."
I know plenty of sensitive guys who are very respectful of people and listen when their female friends talk and then sympathize with their feelings because most of the time life is not a sitcom.
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| "Of course I pretend to listen. That's how I get them into bed." |
These men just
are sensitive. The minute they feel the need to tout it as a fantastic virtue it becomes something else. It becomes bragging and it becomes skeezy. By focusing their attention only on "women" it becomes just another tactic to get them into bed. And it's not even choosing a specific woman. It's just the scatter-shot effect.
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| "Oh yeah, sure, any of these would be great." |
1. "I'm really very humble."
Are you really humble? Do you never ever think about yourself? Are you not even aware of how humble you are because of the aforementioned never thinking about yourself and only caring about others?
Try saying it without making it not true.
Go ahead. I'll wait.
